Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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