apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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