I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
