I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
