put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
