wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just found a bag of teeth...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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