the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
