I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
