does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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