the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
