So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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