Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
