i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
