You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
