I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
