I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
