But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize