Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
