Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
