I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
