there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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