my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
