Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
