And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My ATM looks so different sober.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
