I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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