she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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