Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
