I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
