i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
