Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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