And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
