we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
