can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
