i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize