Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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