What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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