There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
