paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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