I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
