before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
