she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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