the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
