I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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