Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
