his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You are a genius and a whore.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
