Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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