just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
