she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
