dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
