I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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