Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize