You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
