apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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