Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
