I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
