I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry about my life...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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