If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got inside last night via doggy door
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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