she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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