He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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