I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
