Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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