yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I need mimosas to revive my soul
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
