i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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