he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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