Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
