i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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