By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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