I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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