She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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