She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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