In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
