I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
